The Struggles of being Single and Sexual

I’m confident. I’m intelligent. I’m sexual. I’m independent.  I’m me……. Now what does a woman with such amazing qualities have to do to get a date!

I have a serious struggle when it comes to my personality and finding a man that is open minded enough to understand me and see me as more than a hook-up. I see the millions of “relationship goal” memes and I always think to myself I have all of these qualities yet I only seem to be seen  as the one I’d sleep with never the one I’d date. That sucks, mostly because I’m amazing but also because so many men I meet cannot see past the sexual part of my personality. Know when I say sexual I do not mean giving “take me now” eyes across the dinner table, it just means I’m comfortable discussing the topic as I would be discussing current events. I’m not disclosing all of my desires on a first date, but as a general topic it intrigues and excites me and I’m not afraid to talk about it. Once this is discovered it seems like men put up their relationship blinders and focus strictly on getting me into bed. Please understand that just because the topic is up for discussion does not mean that I am in a hurry to get naked with you. I’m also well aware that not every guy I meet is looking for a relationship, but I’m not talking about them. I am talking about the decent guys I have met. The ones that are intelligent and can hold an intellectual conversation.  The guys that are able express their goals in careers and life with me on the first date. The people that I expect more from seem to only view me in one way. I have had people tell me that it is a compliment, but I completely disagree. It’s an insult to every other part of me. It means that you view me as 85% sexuality and my intellect takes a back seat.

I tried asking a number of guys what separates the desire to just have sex with a woman versus perusing a relationship (hell maybe I'm doing something wrong) and I seemed to get an astonishing amount of cliché bullshit. I was met with the typical we want honesty, trust, loyalty, and all kinds of other blah blah blah. No one was really able to tell me what it is that a woman does that puts her in the friends with benefits/one night stand category. I understand that not everyone is ready for a relationship, but if you aren’t then why are you taking a woman on a date? Why are you wasting time calling and texting her as if you like her? Why are you putting so much effort into what seems to be just getting her into bed? There are women that are not looking for a relationship and would be happy to share a bed with you for a night. Why not find one of those women? Dating in an age where a hook up is so easy to come by makes it hard to find anything long term, and when you do find something long term it seems to be tainted with lack of trust because it is so easy for cheating to occur. A booty call is only a swipe away.

It seems likes it takes a special kind of person to make a relationship work in this day and age. Until I come across that person (and believe me there is no rush) I’ll continue to try and figure out how to be single and dodge the people with the wrong intentions.

A Woman's Guide to Successful Casual Sex

For as long as I can remember I have had a pretty specific vision of what I thought sex would be like. I assumed from all the movies I've seen and books I've read that it would always be this passionate act between two people that love each other LMAO! Now clearly I have grown up quite a bit since my Disney princess days, and have learned that this is complete and utter bulls**t.

I know now that sex is not always some passionate encounter filled with foreplay and more than 8 min of intercourse, but the million dollar question is:

Is it possible for women to have sex without a emotional attachment?

After extensive research and conversations with several different people I have discovered that the answer is one big giant maybe. Most men seem to believe that women are not capable of separating feelings from sex, and the women seem to be split 50/50. One thing that most people who were apart of this discussion seemed to agree on is it can be done by some women but not most. Well today I am here to give you some tips on how to become "some" women, because I believe that women are capable of casual sex and they should be able to engage without the guy feeling that she will be writing him love notes and picking out engagement rings in a month (OMG get over yourself).

Rule 1: This is the first rule because it is the most important. BE HONEST! Be honest with yourself about your expectations and what you want. Also be honest with your partner about the type of relationship this will be. The last thing you need is to be longing for a boyfriend while you are in this arrangement. It will not work!!

Rule 2: Pick the "Perfect" Partner. DO NOT pick the guy that you are hopelessly in love with or the old flame that has now friend zoned you. These types will lead you to break rule number one very quickly. If you partner is someone you have thought about potentially dating it will be hard to set aside those feelings. The easiest way to deal with that is to not put yourself in a situation to get hurt.

Rule 3: Time Management. This is not a forever commitment. Make sure you mentally give this arrangement an expiration date. The longer you sleep with someone the more you learn about them. The more you learn the easier it is to get comfortable with one another. Once you get comfortable you let your guard down. Once your guard is let down...... well you know how this ends.

Rule 4: Set your own rules and stick to them. Now I'm not saying you should have a book of bylaws or a "Friends with Benefits" contract, but it might help to have some rules for yourself that will not blur the lines of the relationship. For example: no overnight stays or no hanging out one on one. It may seem silly, but it might also keep you within the boundaries of the relationship you are going for,

Rule 5: Protect Yourself. I mean this in a literal way as well as emotional. A few women that I spoke with said it is easier to fall for a person if you are having unprotected sex. I'm not sure how true this is but minus well practice safe sex just in case. You also do not want to end up with any STI or unplanned pregnancies with a person you are not committed to, because that can get really messy. Also protect your emotions. It is up to you to control the parameters of your relationship. If you start to get emotionally attached be honest and let your partner know. The last thing you want is hurt feelings.

Rule 6: HAVE FUN!!!!! You’re not supposed to fight, argue, make life decisions, or any of the other stressful things that happen in long term relationships. So now is the time to enjoy, experiment, and maybe get a little kinky. Explore your sexuality you never know what you will enjoy.

　

Just know that you are in control of whatever type of relationship you want to be in. This may not be the type of arrangement for you and that is just fine. Your relationship with sex is your own do what makes you happy and have fun!!!

#WCW

Today I would like to feature a very young and very talented #WCW. Miss Kyemah McEntyre from New Jersey has been making headlines not once but twice this year for fashion at the young age of eighteen. You may have seen her all over the Internet in May after he African inspired custom prom dress went viral. It seems like the viral prom dress was just the beginning for this fabulous young fashionista. This weekend was the BET awards and one of my favorite looks was another African inspired dress worn by Naturi Naughton. I was so excited to learn that the dress was designed by Kyemah. In a recent interview Kye was asked how she felt about her new found stardom she said,
"People ask me all the time how does it feel, and I tell them it’s just amazing to be celebrated for just being myself. I consider myself to be an artist, fashion desigher and self-identity activist."
We couldn't agree more!!!Both dresses were beautiful and creative. It seems like the African inspired fashion will be catching fire as a new trend this year.

Not only is Kye spending her time designing dresses for celebrities, as a recent high school graduate she is looking to start school at Parson School of Design in Manhattan looking to major in fashion design. She as even started a go fund me account to help further her education.  
http://www.gofundme.com/x2jj92jw

In addition to being a fashion designer Kye is also a very talented artist. She even has an online store selling her artwork. How many of us can say at 18 we were able to design a dress seen all over the world, sell our custom artwork at an online boutique, and still keep up with a high school schedule? I had enough trouble trying to stay awake in AP History at 18, but Kye is taking over the world! I have a feeling we have not seen the last of this talented young lady. Congratulations #WCW we wish you the best of luck with all you do.

To Talk About Sex ;)

Black girls need a magazine where they can openly and honestly communicate about sex. We live in a society that sees nothing wrong with violence (clearly it is displayed literally everywhere), but talking about sex is taboo. Seriously people?? Sex is apart of every single humans everyday personal life....violence not so much( unless you include your vivid day dreams about punching your boss). Black culture has two extreme opposite views on the topic. Either sex is terrible and sinful and you will be forever shamed for participating in these sinful acts or all women are slutty play things used for pleasure and we praise the stripper culture they represent. Where are the forums for people like me??? People that live in the middle of these two extreme worlds. The people that have normal desires, questions, concerns, or just want to share their experiences. The publication I want will look at sex in a positive and healthy light. Black women will be able to learn and ask questions on the topic. We will be able to share our experiences and stories about the subject. We will be able to look at sex for what it is. It should be enjoyable, it should raise curiosity, it should be a learning experience, it should be safe, but most of all it should be fun!!!!




My goal in this section of the magazine is to empower women about our sexuality. So lets start with something fun. I want you to share your most embarrassing/hilarious bedroom encounter(mine involves oral and asthma.... I'll spare the hilarious details until next time lol). You don't have to use your real name (or your partners), but I'll share some of the stories on the blog. Send any stories to jmagazine01@gmail.com

Why Black Girls Need a "Cosmo"

My name is Jennifer and I am a 24 year old black woman. I am your typical girly girl, meaning I love fashion, makeup, hair, and anything that has to do with making me look and feel beautiful. I grew up a Cosmo Girl. I used to have subscriptions that would come to my parents’ house all the time. One day my mom asked me why I chose Cosmo as my go to bible for beauty instead of a magazine that featured women that look like me. I told my mother that I liked the way the articles were written and other special stories in it (we all know the articles I mean ;)). My mother suggested I try to read Essence magazine and I did. It was nice but it was NOT the same. Cosmo appealed to the younger woman. They appealed to the woman who was fearless and fabulous and was not afraid of her sexuality. Now that I have gotten older I now realize that Cosmo is not for me or women like me. I have realized that we need our own magazine that highlights the fun, fashionable, fearless black woman. Now all we need is someone who is willing to get his started. I raise my hand proudly to volunteer to get this magazine up and running, because we need a publication that allows women like me to see themselves in this amazing light. We need a place where we can openly communicate about relationships and sex in a positive manner. We need a place that highlights our lovely ladies that can give a tutorial on a natural hair twist out AND show me how to wand curl my 18 inch Brazilian sew in. We need a place that has a health and fitness section dedicated to black women's needs and will show that black women do indeed work out. We need a place to show the fashion trends for our beautiful curves and body types. We need a place where we can highlight and show off our own sexy black eligible bachelors (who doesn't like a little eye candy). We need a place that focuses the articles on places that are highly populated by black men and women. We need a publication to call our own featuring our amazing beautiful black women that are doing something positive.

Below is a link to an article that shows what Cosmo has been up to recently. There was an article about trends that need to disappear and mostly black women were featured in the "RIP" column. Now I believe that this section could have been a lot more diverse in t he way it featured trends that needed to be phased out.

Seriously Cosmo???

This seems like the perfect time to get my idea out of the parking lot and out for the world to see. I want to hear about what you would like to see from a publication like this and if you believe this is needed. I NEED YOUR FEEDBACK!!!

Help me spread the word about the magazine that is already in the works. More updates coming soon.

To Get Financially Stable

Black girls need a magazine that will help them with their finances. Society seems to have the ridiculous perception that we are the welfare queens. Spending money on hair weave and club clothes, but living off of the government. I have had a few people suggest that we include some financial advice that is much needed for young women. And if there is anyone who needed financial advice as a young woman it was me...... I was not a planner and I shopped before I paid my bills. It was a struggle to tell myself no you don't need that shirt, no those earring are not to die for,no that lipstick is not a necessity and NO you do not need ANOTHER pair of pumps (I'm a shoe queen what can I say).

This was me.... Not good.

THE STRUGGLE WAS REAL!

 

 

Over time I have gotten much better with managing my money. I'll let you guys know a few rules that I have been following to help me save money and pay off debt:

 

Rule 1: Have a plan!!! Set dates, specific dates and timeframes in which yo would like something paid off. Same goes for saving, set a dollar amount that you want to have saved by a specific date.

 

Rule 2: Take advantage of direct deposit. Have money transferred directly into a savings account that you do not have easy access to. Out of sight out of mind.

 

Rule 3: Set reminders. We all have these smartphones that we are glued to day in and day out. Might as well set an alert in you calender on pay day of bills due this pay period. This comes in handy so I don't "accidentally" spend my insurance payment money on MAC lipstick.

 

Rule 4: Be realistic. I set aside small amounts of money for me to do my random shopping with. Telling myself that I cannot buy anything for pleasure is torture. So I set aside a "shopping fund". Sometimes I spend what is in it sometimes I don't, but it is good to have for me and my sanity.

 

Rule 5: Unexpected things happen, don't stress if you have to use some savings to fix your car or pay an unexpected parking ticket. You cannot plan for everything just keep going on your plan

 

 

Here are a few links to some actual professionals that should help you with your financial goals:

Beginners Guide to Managing Money

10 Tips to Manage your Money

Get Your Money Straight Girl (book)

 

 

Happy spending... I mean saving :)... Good luck on getting you finances in check.

 

 

Black Girls Need a magazine that will give financial advice directed to us and our situations. We need to ensure that there is a publication we as black women have and trust to give honest and practical tips to keep us fabulous, fierce, and financially stable.



 

Please like,follow, and most importantly support.

 

Facebook Page: Black Girls Need a Magazine

Twitter: Black_GirlsNeed

 

 



 

Serving Body!!!!

Black girls need a magazine that discusses what it is like to live in our skin with today's standards of the "perfect" body. Thigh gaps, big butts, flat stomach, waist trainers, ass shots, detoxing, diets, squats its all enough to make you just say screw it and lay on the couch with your ice cream and binge watch Real Housewives on Netflix. Who needs to be sexy anyway???It's all overrated and exhausting and for some of you expensive (butt injections and tummy tucks can't be cheap). Even celebrities like Amber Rose, Beyonce', and the Kardashian family are being put on blast for their bodies not being perfect in pictures that are taken off guard.

These women look fabulous even without the Photoshop and retouching. Body shaming is real and it puts too much pressure on us to look perfect. This is for the women that have ever been told that your body is too: big, small, fat, muscular, skinny, or thick. This is your body and you need to embrace the beauty that is you.

 I think that it's time for the "perfect" body to be a thing of the past. There are so many beautiful and healthy body types that are sexy and fabulous in their own way. Take a look:

Whether you are Sexy and Slim:

Fabulous and Full Figured:

Cute and Curvy:

 

 

 

 

or Fantastic and Fit:

 

 



 

 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

BLACK GIRLS NEED TO BE TOLD YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL!

 

 

I see nothing but beauty in all the women pictured. These are women of different sizes, shapes, weights, and complexions (now THAT is a topic for it's own day) but they are all fierce, fabulous, and just damn fine if I do say so myself.

 

 

It's perfectly acceptable to not be 100% happy with your body and to want to change or improve your body and health like these women here: GO HEAD LADIES!

 

 

But going to some of the surgical extremes to be seen as perfect is just crazy.

 

 

The point is your body is for you. There is no need to try to keep up with the "beautiful people" that the media tells us we should look like. There is more than one definition of beauty. So embrace your thick thighs, small boobs, round mid section, tiny butt, you get the point. Be happy to be you or make healthy strides to change what you can.

 

Black girls need a magazine to tell them that my body is beauty.



Help me get this magazine started. Share, repost, subscribe, and most importantly support.

 

 

 

Twitter: @Black_GirlsNeed

 

 

 



 

 

 



 

 

 

A "Cosmo" for us

My name is Jennifer and I am a 24 year old black woman. I am your typical girly girl, meaning I love fashion, makeup, hair, and anything that has to do with making me look and feel beautiful. I grew up a Cosmo Girl. I used to have subscriptions that would come to my parents’ house all the time. One day my mom asked me why I chose Cosmo as my go to bible for beauty instead of a magazine that featured women that look like me. I told my mother that I liked the way the articles were written and other special stories in it (we all know the articles I mean ;)). My mother suggested I try to read Essence magazine and I did. It was nice but it was NOT the same. Cosmo appealed to the younger woman. They appealed to the woman who was fearless and fabulous and was not afraid of her sexuality. Now that I have gotten older I now realize that Cosmo is not for me or women like me. I have realized that we need our own magazine that highlights the fun, fashionable, fearless black woman. Now all we need is someone who is willing to get his started. I raise my hand proudly to volunteer to get this magazine up and running, because we need a publication that allows women like me to see themselves in this amazing light. We need a place where we can openly communicate about relationships and sex in a positive manner. We need a place that highlights our lovely ladies that can give a tutorial on a natural hair twist out AND show me how to wand curl my 18 inch Brazilian sew in. We need a place that has a health and fitness section dedicated to black women's needs and will show that black women do indeed work out. We need a place to show the fashion trends for our beautiful curves and body types. We need a place where we can highlight and show off our own sexy black eligible bachelors (who doesn't like a little eye candy). We need a place that focuses the articles on places that are highly populated by black men and women. We need a publication to call our own featuring our amazing beautiful black women that are doing something positive.

Below is a link to an article that shows what Cosmo has been up to recently. There was an article about trends that need to disappear and mostly black women were featured in the "RIP" column. Now I believe that this section could have been a lot more diverse in t he way it featured trends that needed to be phased out.

Seriously Cosmo?

This seems like the perfect time to get my idea out of the parking lot and out for the world to see. I want to hear about what you would like to see from a publication like this and if you believe this is needed. I NEED YOUR FEEDBACK!!!

Help me spread the word about the magazine that is already in the works. More updates coming soon.